Wow, I wish I could format this in a way that’s easy to read. I guess I’ll have to point by point it.
First, the point that “Nice Guys” don’t take hints and whatnot I feel is irrelevant. Anyone who thinks that, as you say, a relationship without sex is a terrible consolation prize is not the “Nice Guy” they claim to be, they’re an inept player. For all references to guys who mistreat, don’t appreciate or slander women, I concede all points. They are not worth mentioning, because they’re trash.
Second, the implication that you “owe” anything to a “Nice Guy” is based on the assumptions that you are truly friends, he has not betrayed your relationship and is simply incapable of seeing his own error. If he doesn’t want sex and just wants to know what all the magic is about, I don’t mean to imply a romantic date, just a sit down to fix his shit. It’s just a suggestion and anyone who rejects the idea is okay in my book. I’d like them to fix themselves or whatever, and don’t want to put anyone in a bad position.
Third, I glossed over the description of the friend’s relationship as he was in the wrong to assume he had a leg to stand on. Take a hint, don’t be a bad friend, cherish the relationship you might have built at first, etc. This is the first point again. What he deserves is not an apology, it’s the realization that he’s not the knight he wants to be. That’s the point of the essay. Nice Guys don’t exist and cannot attempt to exist.
The point about poor decisions is a telling look at my own experiences. The object of my affections in high school rejected me to make poor decisions. It’s a single sample of a space I’m not trying to accurately represent. The point I did want to make is that regardless of if the choices are mistakes or not, they aren’t ours to judge. This is the reason I have for hating the word “slut”, as it’s a word more used to denote (the quotes are sarcastic) “unfairness”. It’s not a measure of how many people the person in focus has slept with, it’s a slur to mark the fact that it isn’t with the False Nice Guy.
For the wonky two paragraphs, let me attempt to restate it in less bloated terminology: A person who has falsely labeled themselves as a Nice Guy will not correct his behavior until he has lost everything, a process that takes years. They want that dream they grew up with. Women want to not be objectified or controlled. As I feel this slandering and type of relationship is mostly (or should be) kept between people of 12-19 year olds, guys at that age see girls as mercurial and hard to understand, so they resent the girls they strike out with. I hate this viewpoint, because they have the mindset that all women are the same. When they learn to change and look for women they’re actually compatible with, in a more mature environment than high school, they will have a chance at a real relationship.
Then I try to sum up with some overly sugarcoated shit and round with a cutesy metaphor. You know what, ignore my last two paragraphs. If you’re still interested in talking about this, I would like to know if you feel that I’m wrong about this being confined to young adults or if the Nice Guy does not always mature. I would like to shatter this myth and put the misdirected “Nice Guys” in their place and don’t think I’ve effectively done that. Thanks for the reply.
(Source: masterofaeons)
